How to Wipe Your Ass - Instructions, Philosophy, Wisdom, Humour

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Jump up and down naked with an erection to see if it feels as funny as it looks. Understand the scientific reason for the light refraction which occurs between a man's eyes and the ruler situated next to his member which causes two inches to be added to the final measurement. Repeat number 9.

A Drinkers Personality. Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks.

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How to Pick a Career (That Actually Fits You)

Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts. The results: Drink: Beer Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth. Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool. Drink: Blender Drinks Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the buttocks. Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.

Drink: Mixed Drinks Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, knows exactly what she wants. Drink: Wine - does not include White Zinfandel, see below Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.


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Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends. Drink: White Zinfandel Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually has no clue. Your approach: Make her feel smarter than she is Drink: Shots Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get totally drunk Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint.

You have been blessed this evening. Nothing to do but wait. However, be careful not to make her mad! Then there is the MALE addendum. Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid. Wine: He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid. Whiskey: He doesn't give a hoot about anything but getting laid. Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress. White Zinfandel: He's gay. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary whose species and or name you can't remember.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small and sometimes large gaps of time may seem to literally disappear". Adam Sandler's Top People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is buddy, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is? The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he has no dick. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. What good is a goddamn cake you can't eat? When people say "It's always in the last place you look". Of course it is. Why would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? When people say, while watching a movie "Did you see that? Don't drink and drive. I don't". Well, I hope you don't drive sober either Mr. You're blind for God's sake!

Philosophers' Thinking (Logic‭ & ‬Argumentation‭ (‬Volume‭ ‬5)

People who ask "Can I ask you a question? When something is "new and improved", which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it. When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you now how fast you were going? You should know asshole you pulled me over! CB'ers do it on the air. COPS have bigger guns. After you request sex she replies, "Wait 'til the Nyquil kicks in. Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass. Actually answers when you ask "Who's your daddy?

Everyday Power

Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire. Only moans during commercial breaks. Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay. Keeps trying to set you up with her friends. Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York. You are currently sitting backstage at the Jerry Springer show.

The Best Bruce Lee Quotes

Beginning to think she is only "playing" dead. Has suddenly started making you pay in advance. Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a.

Tips and tricks on how to wipe your ass

Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too. So that's why she keeps deflating!! Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along. Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better. She yells out her own name. Call me Fred Flintstone, because I'll make your Bedrock.

Ludwig Wittgenstein - Wikiquote

Lets play Titanic, when I say iceberg, you go down. You must be a high jumper, because you make my bar rise. If we were both squirrels, would you play with my nuts? Would you wear shoes if you didn't have any feet? Then why are you wearing a bra? Do you believe in love at first sight? Or do I have to walk by again? You must have a mirror in your pocket because I can easily see myself in your pants. What time do you have to be back in heaven?

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